


Five Christmases

by GothicBarbie



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Boys Kissing, Chaptered, Christmas, Coming Out, Finger Sucking, First Kiss, First Time, Friendship, Hand Jobs, Holidays, Jealousy, Kissing, Licking, M/M, Pining, Sexual Tension, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-24
Updated: 2012-12-24
Packaged: 2017-11-22 06:04:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/606603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GothicBarbie/pseuds/GothicBarbie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It only took 5 Christmases for Liam and Harry to get their acts together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The First Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> Explicit for later chapters.
> 
> Also, Louis/Harry are cousins in this one.  
> And, Harry is a year older than them. Just cuz.  
> Niall and Zayn are around a little too. :)

Liam was in 8th grade when he finally gave in to Louis. His best friend of five years had been begging Liam to come with him to his annual Christmas church function and every year Liam declined. It wasn’t just that Liam wasn’t big on Christmas (to be honest, it always just made him feel more depressed) but he was also not religious in any way. Maybe part of that had to do with the recent thoughts that were swarming around in his head.  This was probably a good thing considering he was pretty sure that the bible didn’t approve of homosexuality. Not that a few (mostly) harmless thoughts meant that he was gay exactly.

Liam was running out excuses not to go and each year it got harder and harder to look at Lou’s disappointed face. His best friend promised that there would be good food, and fun games, but what really convinced Liam to go was Harry. Liam had never met Lou’s cousin before but according to Louis he was a lot of fun. More importantly Louis showed Liam a few pictures from their last Christmas and Harry looked… well… fit. But Liam would ever admit that.

Harry was even better looking in person with cute dimples that showed up when he smiled, and curly hair almost similar to Liam’s. But it wasn’t just his looks that were attractive to Liam, the way that Harry carried himself and the confidence that seethed from his entire body was almost overpowering.  Liam found his thoughts going to places they probably shouldn’t.

It was obvious that Louis and Harry were close, they wouldn’t stop talking with one another and laughing and Liam felt a little out of place. At least he wasn’t alone, Harry had brought along his two friends Niall and Zayn who looked just as bored. Some guy was talking to the group of teens, but Liam was barely paying attention, his focus kept going back to Harry. Liam swore Harry would catch his eye and just stare from time to time, but maybe it was his mind playing tricks with him. It wasn’t until the guy stopped talking all together that Liam noticed the space between himself and Harry, the one that Louis had been occupying minutes before. He had gotten up and was now sitting on the other side of Niall, and the two of them (plus Zayn) seemed to be engaged in some sort of conversation. Harry smiled at Liam and nudged a little closer and Liam felt his nerves kick in. Liam wasn’t the most sociable person as it was, but Harry seemed to make things ten times worse.

“So… Liam…” Harry began and he flashed his gorgeous smile before continuing, as if he knew exactly what kind of look he was throwing in his direction, “I feel like I know you.”

“What?” Liam responds, unsure.

“Lou talks about you constantly.”

“He does?” Liam asks. He tries not to worry about what kind of things Louis may have said about him.

Thankfully, it’s all positive. At least, that’s what Harry tells Liam and he wonders to himself if that information is sweet or just creepy.  But the way that Harry is smiling at him now makes him think its sweet… definitely sweet. That is, until Harry asks him if they’re dating.

“What?” Liam repeats a second time, hoping that Harry doesn’t think he’s losing his hearing or something equally ridiculous.

“Well, it’s just… he talks about you a lot, and he brought you with him… I thought, maybe…”

Liam cuts him off before he can continue further. “No, no. We’re _definitely_ not together.”  And with that Liam chuckles a bit. Hoping to convey that he’s most definitely single and in no way otherwise occupied with said best friend. “I’m not… “ he pauses, stumbling on the words. _Not into Louis like that? Not sure if I’m even gay?_

Thankfully though he doesn’t need to finish because Harry seems to get the point and nods before shifting his focus to the side, maybe searching for Louis? Is that disappointment in his eyes? Liam wonders if maybe he said something wrong. Or why Harry would even be offended by his words. Unless of course Harry was trying to scope things out for Louis or something.

But the more that Liam thought about THAT being a possibility, the more absurd it seemed. He only viewed Louis as a friend and he was pretty sure that Louis felt the exact same way. He’d never once gotten the vibe that Louis was into him like that. He wasn’t even sure that Louis was even gay. Sure, he came off a bit flamboyant at times, and other people certainly accused him of liking boys, but Louis was very comfortable in his skin. He was extremely confident and sociable and if he were into guys, surely he would just come out and say that, wouldn’t he?

Liam was so busy with his own thoughts he barely registered what Harry said next.

“That’s too bad.”

Before Liam can ask Harry what he means by that, Louis is making his way back over to them and plopping down right next to Harry, then slings an arm around his shoulder.

“What are we talking about lads?”

Harry mumbles something about school, which Liam finds a little odd, but brushes it off. Clearly Harry’s prying of his and Lou’s love life is not public knowledge to Louis, so Liam lets it go. He’ll definitely have to ask him about it later though.

The night passes fairly quickly, Liam and Harry engage is harmless conversation throughout that time, and Liam would be lying if he said he wasn’t disappointed that Louis hadn’t left their side since he’d returned.  Not that Liam would even know what to say to Harry, but still.

It’s not until they are on their way home that Louis finally asks Liam what he thought of Harry.

“He was nice.” Is all that Liam says, before hesitating… unsure if he should bring up the conversation they had shared earlier. Ultimately he decides to say something, after all, Louis is his best friend and he wants to clear the air. “I think he thinks you’re into me though.”

Lou laughs it off (maybe a little _too_ _much_ in Liam’s humble opinion) and tells him that he’s never once suggested anything of the sort to Harry. He asks Liam where he got this crazy idea from so Liam explains their conversation from earlier. Again Louis laughs and boldly exclaims, “How do you know he wasn’t asking for himself?”

It’s not until Louis explains to Liam that Harry is in fact gay that it actually registers.  Liam can’t help but wonder if a boy who is just 14 years old (just a grade older than Liam and Louis) can even be sure of such a thing. He himself was never sure of anything. But maybe some people just _know_?

When Liam doesn’t respond Louis chuckles for a third time and pulls out his phone. Liam wants to ask who he’s texting, but decides against it. He’s too caught up in his own thoughts.

Is it possible that Harry could actually be interested in him?

 _Too late now_ , Liam thinks to himself. Not only did he most certainly blow it with Harry earlier, but it’s not likely he would even see the guy again. He may be Lou’s cousin but he lived an hour away and Liam only just met him, he wouldn’t even have a valid enough reason to ask about him.

But, well… _there’s always next year_.


	2. The Second Christmas

It’s a year later and Louis hasn’t once mentioned the church function. It’s getting closer and closer to Christmas and Liam is getting a bit worried. He’d never been interested before, and last year he practically had to be dragged along, so he knows he just can’t up and ask Lou about it.  But Liam would be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about Harry within the last year. Whenever Louis would mention his name in passing Liam’s heart would jump a little. And he may or may not have facebook stalked him a few (hundred) times. So when Lou finally does mention it (“I don’t suppose you’d be interested in going with me again this year, would you?”) it takes all Liam has not to shout YES as loud as he can.

He's 14 now, but questions of his sexuality are just as unclear as ever. He still doesn’t find himself attracted to girls, but he isn’t really attracted to boys either. In fact, the only person that had spiked any interest in Liam was Harry, and that was… well, complicating to say the least. He’d only met the guy once – surely that wasn’t enough time to really fall for someone, right? Regardless, Liam was really excited to see him again, but also extremely nervous. Louis had hinted last year that Harry was into him, but what did Lou know? Even if he had been flirting, Harry had probably forgotten all about him by now. 12 months is a long time. Especially for someone like Harry, who’s clearly confident and sure of himself and can get anyone he wants.

Liam is proved wrong though when he and Louis enter the church and Liam see’s the familiar mop of curls striding towards them, huge grin on his face.

“Hey guys!” He says and reaches out to hug both of them. Liam feels a little awkward and unsure of what to do with his hands, but eventually he settles on placing a hand gently on Harry’s back, making sure the placement isn’t too low, and his grip isn’t too tight. He knows he’s over-analyzing but he can’t help it. Harry looks exactly the same as he remembers him… which is pretty damn good.

Liam and Louis follow Harry further into a big room (the same as last year) where teens are still filtering in and getting situated. Liam spots Niall and Zayn who have once again accompanied Harry, and Liam can’t help but wonder if this is going to be a thing now… coming here every year and hanging out with the three of them. He hopes that it is.

Liam goes to sit, leaving space between himself and Niall who is already seated, expecting Harry and Louis to fill in next to him, but to his surprise Louis walks around and sits by Zayn instead, leaving him alone with Harry.

Liam can’t help but wonder if Louis has done this purposely, but maybe he’s just over thinking again. Harry turns to Liam and flashes his smile for a second time that night, and his eyes flick down to Liam’s lips quickly and back up and Liam feels his stomach knot. It was an innocent motion, one that was probably unintentional but Liam can’t help but let his thoughts roam a bit. Harry opens his mouth like he’s about to say something, but is distracted when Niall whispers something to him. Harry turns away and Liam uses this brief moment to brush his straitened bangs out of his eyes a bit. He hopes that he looks okay. (Not that he’d spent an hour getting ready tonight or anything).

Liam listens while Harry and Niall discuss a teacher of theirs and the sound of Harry’s laughter makes Liam want to stab himself. Must everything this kid do be so perfect? Liam wonders what’s gotten into him, he’s never been this attracted to someone before, especially someone that is still such a mystery to him but at least he’s finally accepting this fact. Harry is the first guy, (let alone person) that’s made Liam feel this way and it scares him.

Feeling a bit stupid sitting there alone, Liam pulls out his phone and scrolls through his last texts, deleting a few to keep himself occupied. It’s not until he feels a hand on his wrist that he realizes Harry is watching him. Harry’s green eyes are staring right at him and the pressure of his fingers on Liam’s pulse feels magnified. Liam wonders if Harry can feel his heart racing under his veins.

“Texting your girlfriend?” Harry smirks, then removes his hand and Liam sighs at the loss of his touch.

Liam laughs at the irony of the question but simply replies, “not exactly.” He waits for Harry to respond but the older boy doesn’t say anything, just watches Liam as if he wants him to explain. “I don’t have a girlfriend.” Liam finishes weakly, feeling stupid.

“I find that hard to believe, Liam.” Harry says again, with a smile on his face and it sounds vaguely suggestive. Liam tries not to read too much into it and he certainly won’t take the bait and ask what Harry means by it. No need getting his hopes up.

Liam kind of wants to slap himself. This conversation seems to be going equally as bad as the year prior. Why can’t he think of one clever thing to say?

But Harry doesn’t really seem to mind and as the night goes on he continues to ask Liam questions. Most of them are pretty harmless. He asks about his school and his favorite subjects and Liam works up the nerve to give actual responses and even tells him a few stories about the things he and Louis get up to back at home. Harry laughs with Liam and is extremely engaged in what he’s saying and it’s frustrating the hell out of Liam. The more that he talks to Harry the more he likes him. He’s extremely charming and personable and _nice_ and Liam regrets ever coming here. Harry’s flirtatious comments are giving him way too much hope and he knows it’s a lost cause. Someone like Harry would never want to be with someone like him.

Close to the end of the night when all the games have been played and people are socializing, Lou gets up to get some punch. Zayn and Niall follow (of course) and when Harry declines Liam uses this opportunity to do the same, leaving the two alone together, finally. It’s quiet for a minute and Liam ends up blurting out the first thing that he can think of, “So, do you have a boyfriend?”

It’s probably random and ridiculous and Liam already feels stupid for asking but Harry doesn’t seem to mind and playfully shakes his hair out of his face. “No.” He says quietly and then looks down, as if hesitating before he continues, “It seems like all the guys I’m into are strait.”

Liam can feel his tongue swell a bit inside his mouth and he shifts nervously. It’s an innocent statement but Harry isn’t looking away and it makes Liam feel awkward. Was Harry flirting with him again?

Liam wants so badly to correct him, but he hasn’t even told Louis what he’s been feeling, he can’t exactly blurt out to Harry that he’s probably (most likely) gay. But Harry probably didn’t even mean anything by it. And even if he did, he wouldn’t want an inexperienced, boring guy like Liam.

Niall yells to Harry that they should probably be leaving soon and Liam feels the muscles in his stomach shrink with disappointment. He doesn’t want Harry to go just yet. He feels like he’s barely had time to talk to him and he doesn’t think he can go another year without seeing him.

“You know, we should hang out sometime.” Harry says. “Like, if you’re ever in town or something. Or you and Lou can come down, or whatever.”

Liam can’t help the smile that forms on his face, “yeah, that would be cool.” Then he pulls out his phone to check the time… it’s 11:00pm. Time to go.

Suddenly Harry is moving closer to Liam… too close, and he feels like he can’t breathe, he can feel Harry’s shoulder and hip pressing against his own and Harry’s breath is against his neck.

The older boy reaches down and grabs at Liam’s phone and Liam watches as Harry punches in some numbers and then softly places it back in Liam’s hands, their fingers brushing lightly.

“There.” Harry smirks, right next to Liam’s face so that Liam can see the tint of grey around his green eyes. “Now you have my number. Text me sometime.”

Then Harry glances down at Liam’s lips again, this time it’s completely obvious, and Harry bites his lips and stares back at Liam, as if waiting for him to do something. Liam wants so badly to just lean in and pull the boys plump lips between his own, but it’s a ridiculous thought and Liam wills himself to stay still. The moment is interrupted soon after when Niall and Zayn are heading out the door and Harry is following behind, stealing one last glance back at Liam and waving lightly before going to hug Louis goodbye.

Liam just stares down at his phone and tries not to mentally combust.  Harry was definitely hitting on him… he had to be.  Liam isn’t quite sure what to do with that information.  He fights the urge to text Harry right this second (not that he would even know what to say!) At least he has Harry’s number now… he could get in touch with him if he wanted to.

It’s a start.


	3. The Third Christmas

It took Liam months to finally work up the nerve to text Harry. Over the course of the rest of the school year they had talked occasionally, (Harry even accepted Liam’s friend request on Facebook) but Liam didn’t want to come off too eager, so he always kept it strictly PG. Harry had always responded but Liam never really knew what to say and by the summer the texts stopped. Liam took full responsibility, the ball was in his court after all, but he was still scared to take that leap, he barely knew Harry. He and Lou had talked about going down and hanging out with Him at various times, but it always seemed to fall through.

By the time Christmas rolled around the following year Liam could barely contain his nerves. Louis had asked him about the Christmas event earlier in the year this time, so Liam was all prepared. He had even bought a new outfit for the occasion, which he realized was a bit extreme, but maybe this year he’d be able to work up the nerve and do something about his crush.

In the back of his head, Liam knew that telling Louis should probably be the first step, but Liam felt that maybe he could speak to Harry first. That way, if he was rejected, he wouldn’t have to go through the humiliation of his best friend knowing about it too. Also, there was the fact that if it didn’t go well with Harry he could probably (maybe) live with that. It’s not like he’d have to see him again. With Lou, it was a different story.

The butterflies in Liam’s stomach returned almost immediately once they got inside and worsened when Harry showed up, just like Liam had expected them to. Harry looked a bit older, his hair was a little longer and there seemed to be a certain gleam in his eye this time. Harry had always come off as confident, but this year it felt amplified. Harry hugged Louis, then smiled briefly at Liam before turning back around. Liam would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little disappointed at the lack of excitement that Harry showed in seeing him again, but Liam tried not to let it get to him.

The night went as expected, Niall and Zayn once again came with Harry and the five boys were able to laugh and have a good time. Liam didn’t get a chance to really talk to Harry, considering he was sitting the furthest away from him, but Liam wasn’t too bothered because shortly after they’d arrived, Harry mentioned that he was throwing a party afterwards at his house. His parents were out of town and his sister bought alcohol. Liam was pretty thrilled to spend a bit more time around Harry, but he was also internally freaking out since he’d never drank or partied before.

They left a bit earlier, and it seemed extremely ironic to Liam that they were going from a church function to an underage party with alcohol, but Liam had to laugh it off. Nothing about this situation really made sense anyways.

Pretty much the second they got in the door Louis had shoved a drink in Liam’s hand. He whispered in his ear that he didn’t have to drink it, to just pretend, but Liam found himself taking a sip anyways. He didn’t want to look stupid in front of the others. And maybe a drink would loosen him up a bit.

One drink turned into quite a few more and Liam found himself buzzed for the first time in his life. It was a weird feeling. He felt a little lightheaded, but he was still able to control himself for the most part. He made his way into the living room where Harry and Lou were chatting on the couch and he squeezed in next to them, his shoulder lightly brushing against Harry’s.  He probably could have afforded to be further away, but the alcohol was giving him a little bit of courage. Unfortunately, Harry barely acknowledged his presence and turned his focus back to Louis. Liam could overhear Harry telling him about his plans to move up to Wolverhampton after he graduated. Liam couldn’t believe his ears. In another year and a half Harry would possibly be living in Liam’s exact town?  

Before Liam could ask Harry more about it, he’s getting up and walking out of the room. Liam can see him disappear down a dark hallway and he slinks back into the couch, the uncomfortable bristles digging into his back. Liam tries not to let the obvious disappointment show on his face; he barely got a chance to say anything to Harry.

He feels Lou’s feet in his lap and when Liam asks what he’s doing Louis replies that he’s gonna sleep off his buzz for a few hours and then they can go. But Liam’s not ready to yet, not without speaking to Harry first. He pushes himself up from the couch and treks down the hall, where he saw Harry walking off earlier and begins opening doors, looking for him. He’s not sure what he’s gonna say… maybe he can start with asking why Harry is seemingly ignoring him.

He manages to find Harry. Unfortunately, he’s not able to say much of anything because the shock of seeing his crush pinned on the bed with another guy’s  tongue down Harry’s throat is enough to make Liam’s stomach drop.

He manages to mutter a feint “sorry” before he’s running out of the room. He hears the door slam behind him as he continues further down the hall. He realizes that he probably made a spectacle of himself, but the jealousy that’s seething inside of him is pretty hard to contain right now. He’s not exactly sure where he’s going, but he needs to think things over; be alone.

Harry has a different plan though and almost as quick as Liam left, the older boy is following down the corridor.

“Liam! Wait!” Harry yells after him and Liam finds himself involuntarily stopping. Liam turns to face him.

“What Harry?!” Liam finds himself almost yelling. He doesn’t really have any reason to mad, it’s not like Harry knows how he feels, but he’s drunk and can barely keep his emotions in check.  

Almost immediately he wants to take it back when he sees the hurt expression on Harry’s face.

“Are you mad at me or something?” Harry leans forward and extends his hand. Liam’s gaze follows and watches as Harry lightly grabs his wrist, as if to comfort him. But all Liam can think about in the moment is Harry in the room with another guy, someone that’s not him.

“I should ask you that, you’ve barely spoken to me all night.” Liam pulls his arm out of Harry’s grasp and pushes past him, heading back towards the living room. He can hear Harry’s footsteps behind him and he gently calls over his shoulder “Just go back to your boyfriend, Harry.” Liam knows he’s being pretty harsh but he doesn’t care. He spent months looking forward to this and what does he get? Ignored all night, plus front row seats to Harry kissing someone else… what fun.

It wasn’t until later in the night that Liam saw Harry again. The curly haired boy was alone, and looked a little defeated as he entered the room and slumped into a chair directly across from Liam. Liam felt most of his anger from before slowly exit his body. It was hard to stay mad at him, especially looking like _that_. And Liam felt a little stupid now that he had sobered up a bit.

The two made eye contact briefly before Liam averted his gaze. Maybe he’d overreacted, but he still had a right to be a little upset.  He wasn’t going to talk to Harry again until he apologized, or at least, explained why he’d been acting so distant all night.  But it seemed as if Harry didn’t plan to say anything at all, he just sat quietly and listened to the music that was coming from the speakers in the next room over. Liam thought he could barely hear Niall’s laughter off in the distance.

There are a few other people in the room that Liam vaguely pretends to be chatting to, but they are drunk out of their minds and aren’t making any sort of sense. It’s been a while since Liam’s had anything to drink and he finds his thoughts drifting elsewhere. He hasn’t seen Harry with a drink for a long time either and he wonders if Harry feels the same way. He sneaks a glance in his direction to find that Harry is already looking at him.  Liam wishes more than anything that he could read what was behind Harry’s stupidly gorgeous green eyes, but it’s impossible and he forces himself to look away yet again.

Eventually Liam finds himself left alone in the room (minus Louis who is still asleep on the couch and Harry-of course) and the awkwardness would normally be unbearable, but for some reason it’s not. Harry is still watching Liam silently and Liam gathers the courage to finally say something.

“What happened to your boyfriend?” He asks daringly, and he notices Harry slightly shake his head before answering.

“He’s not my boyfriend.” Harry states simply. Again Liam tries to read his reaction but he fails.

Liam tries not to let the satisfaction he feels show on his face. _Well, at least he’s still single._ Liam thinks to himself.  Before Liam can ask why the guy left Harry speaks again.

“I’m sorry for kissing him.”

Liam swallows. He almost wants to ask Harry to repeat himself… did he really just apologize?

“I thought you weren’t...”  and Harry trails off, looking away and leaving Liam to decipher the meaning of his words.

But Liam understands immediately. _I thought you weren’t interested in guys_ is what he means to say, and Liam instantly feels relief. So, Harry kissed someone else because he thought Liam wasn’t interested? Is that what Harry is admitting? Or is Liam just getting his hopes up? Though it still doesn’t explain the avoidance thing.

“Well, maybe I am.” Liam says softly, barely audible. He looks down at his feet, feeling embarrassed. It was basically a confession.

Harry shifts his focus back to him and sighs quietly.  Liam wonders if he’d even heard.

The younger boy realizes he did once Harry stands, turning to leave the room.  “Come on,” he beckons over his shoulder, intending for Liam to follow.

Liam feels his body tense up and he hesitates for a brief second before getting up to follow him out of the room. Liam is anxious and afraid and he’s not quite sure what’s gonna happen next but he goes anyway. He would follow Harry anywhere.

Liam wonders how his emotions shifted from angry to nervous so damn quickly and he wonders if he should really be doing this. He tries to comfort himself internally as he follows Harry into one of the bedrooms. Maybe he just wants to talk?

Harry holds open the door to a different room from earlier, and Liam brushes past him. He stops once he gets a few feet in. It’s dark in the room and Liam turns to face Harry, waiting. Harry shuts the door and leans back against it, just staring at Liam who is beginning to feel a bit uncomfortable.

Liam can barely make out a few pictures sitting on the dresser. He can spot Louis in one of them. “Is this your room?” He asks, trying to ease some of the tension but Harry just nods. Liam watches intently as Harry reaches behind him and locks the door.

Liam’s breathing is heavy and he feels his heart race as Harry steps slowly closer to him, closing the small gap that used to exist between them.

Before Liam can prepare for what’s next Harry is inches in front of him, hands on his face and he’s pulling Liam towards him.

Harry hungrily presses his lips against Liam’s and Liam blinks a few times, disbelief at how the events of tonight somehow managed to escalate to this. Liam’s doing a shit job at reciprocating the kiss, but he’s in shock and it’s his first kiss with a guy and it feels so good and _fuck,_ Harry is pulling away.

“For the record, I wasn’t trying to ignore you… “

Liam relaxes and lets Harry continue. Here comes the explanation he’s been waiting for all night.

Harry finishes, “I just thought you weren't into me and I didn't want to make you uncomfortable.”

 _Oh,_ Liam thinks to himself, finally understanding. But none of that even matters now. He’s finally alone with him and Harry knows how he feels now and everything seems right.

Liam can’t seem to pull his focus away from Harry’s lips (which look especially plump right now) so he leans in and kisses Harry a bit more forcefully this time, grabbing him from around the waist and pulling him in.

“I didn’t know how to tell you…” Liam begins, trying to explain himself a little better.

“You’re doing a pretty good job.” Harry smiles, chuckling softly and pulling Liam back into the kiss. It intensifies and Liam opens his mouth a little wider, finally feeling the soft press of Harry’s tongue against his own.

Liam tries not to think too hard about this, going purely off instinct, as he allows Harry to walk him back towards the bed, his legs hitting the edge of the bed frame.

He allows himself to fall gently backwards; his head hits the pillow and Harry positions himself on top of him, their bodies slotting together. Liam’s thoughts go to the scene he’d witnessed earlier, of Harry in this exact position with someone else, but he tries not to think about it. As Harry presses his lips to the soft skin on Liam’s neck, he feels a soft moan escape from his own mouth. This feels so good and he wants to enjoy it, but he can’t help wondering how often Harry has done this, and with who.

Liam nerves finally kick in when he feels Harry start rubbing against him. He can feel that he’s hard through his jeans (and Liam is there himself) and he instantly pulls back.

“Harry, wait…” Liam mutters, pushing Harry away lightly. Liam wants to quiet the voice in his head, but he knows that it’s too late. He doesn’t want his first time to be like this.

Harry pushes himself up and is now just straddling Liam. He runs a hand through his hair and just waits, silently watching Liam and waiting for him to explain.

Before Liam has the chance the door opens and Liam can only make out the shadow of a person standing in the doorway. Liam hears a small gasp escape from the person’s mouth and Liam instantly freezes. He recognizes that it’s Louis and _fuck…_ this isn’t good.

Lou turns back the other way, only pausing for a second, “Liam, I think I’m gonna head home soon. I’ll be outside.”

Lou rushes out the door and Liam contemplates what to do next before he’s sitting up, Harry instantly falling to his side. “Shit!” Liam swears loudly, fixing his hair quickly and smoothing out his clothes. “I thought you locked the door?”

“I did… but sometimes it’s faulty.” Harry responds sheepishly. Liam can tell that he feels bad.

“I have to go. “ Liam mutters, jumping off the bed. Harry scoots to the edge of the bed, trying to get closer.

“Or you could stay. I can drive you back in the morning.”

Liam contemplates Harry’s offer but he knows that he can’t. It’s late and he’s been drinking and Harry is too experienced and there’s too much pressure, and what would Louis say about it? _He’s probably outside freaking out right now._

There are just too many things wrong, but Liam isn’t sure how to explain all of this to him so he  ignores Harry’s offer altogether and walks over to the door, turning back before he exits.

“I’ll see you next year?” Liam smiles weakly as he goes to leave, but Harry is jumping off the bed and calling out to him.

“What? Next year? What do you mean?”

Liam hesitates before answering, knowing that Harry wouldn’t understand his reasons. The truth is that he wants to spend more time with Harry, but he’s scared. He doesn’t want his first ever relationship to be with someone that’s clearly miles ahead of him in experience. He likes Harry too much to embarrass himself further.

“I just don’t think I’m really ready for this.”

Harry looks down and Liam feels horrible. He doesn’t want to hurt Harry but it’s probably for the best.

“I mean, I haven’t even told Lou about me… “ at this Harry looks up, surprised . Clearly, Harry hadn’t expected that. “And I’m just… I’m still trying to figure it all out.”

Harry nods silently and Liam takes this opportunity to exit the room.  He refuses to look back because if he does, he may just change his mind.

The drive home is awkwardly silent. Liam can tell that Louis doesn’t want to push any buttons and ask him something that he’s clearly uncomfortable with discussing. It’s not until they are almost home that Lou finally speaks up.

“You could have told me you know.”

Liam sighs. He wants to ask _which part?_ About him and Harry or just him in general?  But he keeps quiet, not ready to dive into the details just yet.

“Not much to tell.” He finally responds, leaning a head against the window. Silence fills the car once again. Liam closes his eyes. He hopes he didn’t just make the biggest mistake of his life.


	4. The Fourth Christmas

It’s about a week later that Liam finally comes clean to Louis. Things between the two had been a little awkward since Christmas and Liam was tired of hiding. He missed his friend and knew that Louis would be understanding, which he was.  Louis didn’t care that Liam was into guys, though he didn’t necessarily want any details on the subject, he was more upset about the fact that Liam hadn’t come to him sooner.

After it was out in the open, Louis took full advantage of the situation and asked Liam question after question about Harry and what it meant and “are you guys together?” and Liam had to disappoint him. Liam assured Lou that there was nothing going on between them, that they were at two very different levels. Lou tells Liam that they’re both single, and he doesn’t see the problem, but of course he wouldn’t understand. The fact that Harry was kissing a guy at a party that wasn’t his boyfriend, and then Liam right after, just reignited Liam’s hesitation. Harry probably fooled around with everyone. Liam knows he’s being a bit hypocritical considering he himself made out with Harry, someone _he_ barely knew, but he tells himself the circumstances are much different in his case. Liam is just figuring things out, Harry is already comfortable with it all. It’s not the same thing. It just wouldn’t work.

Harry had texted Liam a few times over the year, and even though they were all fairly innocent texts, Liam ignored every single one of them. It pained him to do so but he just couldn’t put himself in that situation. Not until he got some experience under his belt; which is why he started dating someone else. Liam had allowed Lou to set him up (after much persistence!) and after a few months he officially had a boyfriend. It was a new experience for Liam and a little strange but Andy went to a different school so no one really knew they were together. Liam wasn’t ready to come out to the whole world yet, so they mainly hung out on weekends. Andy was new to the dating-a-guy thing too, which was perfect for Liam because he felt content with him and they were able to take things at a good pace. By the summer they had worked their way up from kissing to some under-the-clothes touching, but that was about as far as it ever went. Liam was still a little scared to go further, but more than that, something wasn’t exactly clicking with Andy. Sure he was a nice guy, and attractive, but there wasn’t a spark. After a while even Lou started to notice their lack of… passion, and had asked Liam about it, but he always denied it. Liam just assumed that maybe eventually it would happen. He wanted to give it time. And he didn’t want this opportunity to go to waste. He felt comfortable with Andy and it was a great way for him to gain some experience sexually.

As it got closer and closer to Christmas Liam’s thoughts about Harry started returning (not that they ever really left) and Liam kept thinking about how he’d had a chance with him last year and passed on it because he was scared. If he were in the same situation now, Liam knows he would act differently, but it didn’t matter anymore. He had a boyfriend.

It was because of this fact that Liam agreed to go with Louis to the Christmas party again this year. Maybe he’d be able to smooth things over. Plus now that he had a boyfriend the pressure was off. They wouldn’t have to worry about awkwardness or angst. They could keep things purely platonic and maybe this year was actually their chance to be friends.

Liam knew those ideas were unrealistic the second Harry walked in the door. He had grown and was taller than Liam now. His curls were a little shorter, barely curling over his ears anymore, and he just looked so much more mature. Liam’s breath caught in his throat a bit and he wondered if this was how he should be feeling around Andy.  Liam tried his hardest to banish those thoughts immediately and stick to the plan.

Things got a little awkward as the night went on because Harry kept trying to get Liam alone. Thankfully Louis and Niall and Zayn were always around so it prevented that from happening, but Liam kept noticing Harry staring at him. Liam finds out that Harry is throwing another party this year and almost begs Louis not to go, he doesn’t need a repeat of last year, but Louis insists and Liam knows that it’s useless to argue with him when he gets like this. Liam can see a mischievous glare in Lou’s eyes and wonders if he has a hidden agenda.

Liam’s fears came true when Harry finally corners him only fifteen minutes after he arrives.

“Stop avoiding me.” He says quietly and Liam feels the guilt rising in his gut. He can see the hurt in Harry’s eyes and he has to force himself not to physically reach out to him and comfort him. Harry waits for him to respond but Liam can’t say anything at all because it’s true.

Harry pulls Liam into his room and Liam is painfully reminded of the last time they were here. This time a lamp is turned on and the door is open a crack, so Liam feels a little safer being alone with him.

 “Will you please talk to me?” Harry begs. He’s standing only a few feet in front of Liam and Liam can see that he’s breathing heavily.

“I don’t know what to say.” He responds curtly. It’s not a lie.

 “Listen, I know last time we were here you got a little freaked, but you didn’t have to run out like that.” Harry sighs slowly and shifts his focus away from Liam.

“I know… but I was scared.” Liam is about to continue but he feels stupid so he take a pause. He decides to continue because he feels like he needs Harry to know, “that was my first kiss.”

Harry snaps his focus back over and Liam can tell that Harry is surprised by this information.

“I didn’t know that…”

“I should have told you.”

They speak at the same time and Liam can’t help the nervous laughter that escapes from his mouth. Harry isn’t laughing.

“Liam, we could have just… slept. I wasn’t expecting anything from you. I just wanted to get to know you better.”

Liam is surprised at Harry’s words. He feels like an idiot now and he wishes more than anything that he could go back to last year and change things.  He didn’t realize that Harry would have been so understanding, but he should have given him the chance. He takes a breath and looks directly at Harry, hoping his words will convey what he’s feeling.

“I’m sorry, Harry. I thought…” again, Liam feels stupid, “I thought you just wanted a hook up or something.”

Now it’s Liam’s turn to the look at the ground but he feels Harry’s finger tugging below his chin and his head is jolted back up. Harry’s green eyes are staring deep into his and he’s looking at him with such affection.

“You thought wrong. I like you Liam.” Harry’s hand moves from below Liam’s chin and brushes a hair gently over his ears. Liam can feel his entire body shiver at the touch. “I like you a lot.”

Once again Liam is at a loss for words and he feels Harry move closer into his space. Liam’s brain is going fuzzy and telling him to pull away. He has a boyfriend now and he can’t be doing this. He flinches a little and Harry instantly draws back. The sadness that was in Harry’s eyes earlier has returned again and Liam feels him pull away.

His brain is gonna lose the battle because his heart is telling him not to let Harry go.

Just as Harry is turning to leave Liam lets his instincts take over as he grabs Harry by the shoulders and pushes him back against the door, shutting it the rest of the way closed. Liam’s lips crash onto Harry’s at the same time that he presses his body up against the taller boys.  Liam is never this rough but this time it’s different and Liam pushes the guilt away. It lessens the harder that Liam pushes. Harry enthusiastically responds by tangling his hands into Liam’s hair and shoving his tongue harshly into Liam’s mouth. Liam has to moan at the feeling as he feels his temperature climbing.

 _This is what it should feel like._ He thinks to himself before Harry’s lips are pulling off from his mouth and trailing lower. Harry dips his head and Liam tilts his chin back to give Harry easier access to his neck. Liam’s hands have trailed slowly down so that they’re now resting on Harry’s slender hips and Liam tries not to squeeze too hard once Harry begins sucking. Things have never felt this intimate with Andy, and although Liam consciously knows that what he is doing is wrong, he can’t help himself.

Liam almost doesn’t hear when Harry’s whispering his name and stringing _bed_ right after it. Liam takes another risk and allows his hands to travel lower, so they’re cupping Harry’s butt and he lifts the older boy up and off the ground. Harry wraps his arms and legs tightly around Liam as Liam carries him back towards the bed. Harry may be taller than Liam, but Liam is stronger and lifting Harry is effortless. He knows part of his strength is due to all the adrenaline pumping through him, but he doesn’t care. He wants this.

Liam is still nervous about what may take place but he also feels excited. Everything with Harry feels right, almost like it’s meant to happen. It’s nothing like how it feels with Andy. With Andy, Liam felt like he was going through the motions but with Harry everything feels like it’s on fire and he’s not in control. Liam wonders if this is what love feels like, but once he’s got Harry on the bed, pinned underneath him, the hardness in their pants pressing against one another, all of his thoughts escape him.

“Liam?” Harry mutters as Liam kisses along Harry’s collarbone. He wants kiss every inch of Harry’s body and wishes that Harry would just shut up and let him, but he’s calling his name again so Liam pushes up on his elbows to look at him.

“We can stop if you want to.” Harry finishes. Though, Liam can tell that it’s the last thing Harry wants to do.

It only takes Liam a second to shake his head no before he’s pressing his lips back against Harry’s. “I don’t want to stop…” He whispers. Even though his body is making the decisions for him, he’s still inexperienced. He wants to continue, but doesn’t know where to start.  “Just tell me what to do.”

The words spark an immediate reaction from Harry, who reaches down and quickly unbuttons his jeans. Liam sits up on his hands, watching and waiting. Their hips are pressed so closely together that when Harry goes to pull down his zipper, the back of his hand accidently brushes against Liam’s groin and Liam can feel his own dick twitch in anticipation. With the same hand Harry reaches back up to grab Liam’s left wrist, the one that’s currently pressed on the bed next to Harry’s head.

“Give me your hand.” He mutters, motioning for Liam to lift it up, and Liam shifts his weight over to his right side, letting his elbow fall back down on the bed, then holds out his hand to Harry. Before he can ask what he’s doing, Harrys tongue is darting out against the palm of Liam’s hand, coating it pretty thick with his saliva. It’s weirdly erotic and Liam feels the urge to kiss Harry again, so he does… this time on the shoulder. He watches as his hand (under Harry’s control) is dragged down between their bodies. Liam has already prepared himself for what’s coming, but it’s a still a bit of a shock when Harry shoves Liam’s hand down into his pants and around Harry’s cock.

Liam can’t take his eyes off of Harry, he has to see everything that’s happening.  When Harry starts moving their hands together along his length Liam finds it difficult to hold back his breath. It’s a little weird because it’s Liam left hand, the one that he doesn’t ever use for _this_ but it’s also feels different – good different. Everything’s a rush and with Harry guiding him, he no longer feels nervous. He’s never touched another guy in this way (with the exception of Andy, but it was never this intense) and the feeling of Harry’s cock, wet and thickening in his hand, pushes Liam’s senses into overdrive. Liam can barely see the tip of Harry’s dick peeking out from his pants and it’s extremely hot to Liam, how they’re both still fully clothed and doing this. Liam’s also very away that the door is unlocked, and the idea that anyone could walk in just builds to the excitement.

He’s suddenly overcome with this need to please Harry, letting his thumb brush against the head of Harry’s cock roughly as his hand strokes up and down. And by the way that Harry looks right now, eyelids closing and breath heavy, Liam knows he’s doing something right. Liam can tell that Harry is getting closer to climax when he starts squirming a little underneath Liam. Harry’s free hand grabs hold of the bed sheets and Liam feels Harry’s knees bumping against his legs, wanting to widen them further. Liam shifts so that his legs are now inside of Harry’s and Harry lets his legs open and fall to the side, bucking his hips slightly into Liam’s touch. Sweat is pooling on Harry’s forehead, his eyes fully closed now, and he lets his hand go. Where it used to be wrapped around Liam’s, it’s now  gripping Liam’s shoulder tight, fingernails digging in.

Harry’s being a bit more vocal with his breathing, and his grip on Liam’s arm tightens, so Liam knows he’s close to coming. Liam moves his hand a little quicker, trying to grip Harry in the way that he likes on himself and a second later Harry’s cum is coating all over Liam’s fingers.

Liam wants to look down but his focus is locked on Harry’s face, who looks the most beautiful he’s ever seen him. Liam continues to stroke Harry through, but Harry grabs at his hand to stop him, blurting out something that sounds like _toomuchtoomuch_ and Liam stops. He can’t help smiling to himself, knowing that he’s made Harry come undone like this.

Immediately Liam leans down to kiss him, his hands still on Harry, but Harry doesn’t kiss back. He just lies there, breathing heavy; completely spent. They stay like that for a bit, foreheads pressed together in silence; nothing but the tick of the clock in the background filling the space.

Minutes later, Liam finds himself being pushed onto his back, Harry now hovering right above him.

Before Liam has any time to think Harry is unbuttoning his shirt and kissing his way slowly down Liam’s chest.

“Your turn.” Harry whispers quietly, getting closer and closer to the last button. Liam knows he’s tense, but he doesn’t want to stop. His mind is filling with dirty thoughts of things that Harry may do to him. He can’t believe that just a year ago he was so afraid to take this step when he sees now just how amazing it is being with him.

When Harry undoes the last button and moves his hands to Liam’s belt, Liam’s curiosity gets the best of him. “What are you doing?” He asks quietly.

He realizes it’s a stupid question but Harry just smirks up and him. “I wanna taste you” is all that he says before he’s shoving Liam’s pants down and off, Liam’s dick lying hard against his stomach.  Liam is now fully naked in front of Harry and he feels so exposed, especially with Harry is still fully dressed. It’s not exactly fair; Liam can’t stop his mind from wondering what Harry looks like naked, but as soon as Harry’s hands are on Liam’s cock, lightly tugging, Liam can’t say anything about it. He can barely think.  

The sight of Harry between his legs, holding onto him and his swollen lips so close to touching is too much for Liam and he has to look away, burying his face into the pillow by his head.  Harry kisses the tip of Liam’s cock before stretching his lips entirely around it. Harry’s mouth is warm and wet around him and Liam is finding it harder and harder to concentrate. He can feel  Harry’s other hand closing around his balls and it intensifies all the sensations he’s currently feeling. Liam’s in a bit of disbelief when Harry starts to take him fully into his mouth ( _where did he learn to do that?);_ Harry’s curls brushing against Liam’s stomach every time he does so. Liam takes in _everything_ ; Harry’s right hand gripping his waist tightly, the left still gently holding his balls, the feel of Harry’s tongue and throat roughly pressing against Liam’s cock as Harry moves his mouth up and down.

“Fuck!” Liam swears, something he rarely does, as his orgasm builds and builds and he’s so close to the edge. He tries to warn Harry by pushing lightly against his shoulder, but Harry doesn’t budge, in fact, he sucks even harder. Liam spills inside of Harry’s mouth and Liam can see his adam’s apple moving up and down as he swallows. Liam instantly wonders what Harry would taste like and tells himself he’ll have to find that out sometime.

As Liam comes down from his orgasm, Harry kisses his way back up Liam’s chest. Liam finds himself wrapping his arms around the older boy, pulling him in tighter and Harry falls to Liam’s side, snuggling his face tight into Liam’s neck.

Harry falls asleep like this and Liam is left alone in the silence, contemplating what his next move is. The guilt from before has now fully returned, now that he’s not otherwise preoccupied, and he finds himself thinking a mile a minute. What did he just do? He has a boyfriend. Harry doesn’t even know he exists. Liam’s internally panicking. Not only does this make him a cheater, but a liar too.

It’s only when Harry starts pecking his neck lightly that Liam realizes he was never actually asleep. Eventually Harry mumbles, “Lou is probably wondering where you are” and he laughs quietly into Liam’s side. Liam responds that Lou probably already knows, considering what happened last year and Liam wonders what Louis would say to him about all of this. Would he be disappointed?

Liam immediately sits up. “I should probably go find him, actually.” It’s a lame excuse but just sitting here with Harry makes him feel terrible. Liam shimmies back into his pants and begins buttoning his shirt. He doesn’t get too far when Harry is grabbing his arm and pulling him back down on the bed.

“No, he’s fine. Stay… ” Liam is still, how can he say no to Harry? “I’ll drive you back in the morning…. please?” Liam is reminded of the year before when he rejected Harry’s offer and practically ran out of the room. Looking at Harry now, he doesn’t want to hurt him again and decides that _fuck it_ , he’s gonna stay.

“Okay…” Liam says quietly, letting his head fall back against the pillow. Harry smiles immediately.

“Oh!” Harry almost shouts as if he’s just remembering something. “I forgot to tell you… I might be moving to Wolverhampton in a few months… after graduation!” Harry sits up in his bed, staring at Liam; waiting for him to respond.

Wolverhampton? As in, Liam’s home town?

Liam is completely conflicted. On one hand, he’s extremely happy about this information. Maybe with Harry so close they can really get to know each other properly. But then Liam thinks about how it just means that now Andy and Harry will be in the same town. And regardless of what Liam decides to do, they’ll end up finding out about each other in the process and he’s gonna have to deal with consequences of that. Liam realizes he hasn’t responded when Harry puts a hand on his shoulder and leans down into his space. “Hey… did you hear what I said? I’ll be in town and we can be together.”

Even though Harry had confessed earlier that he liked Liam, and even though they had been intimate with each other just minutes before this, Liam is still in shock over Harry’s last statement. Harry actually wants to _be_ with him? At least if Harry had been a little unsure, or wanted to take things slow, or something, Liam would have more time to figure out what he was gonna do about Andy. But with Harry so excited and smiling at him like this, making plans, Liam just feels worse.

“Why do you even like me?” Liam asks quietly. It was still amazing to him that someone like Harry could care about someone like him.

“Are you serious?” Harry asks with a smile, as if it’s a completely ridiculous question. “Because you’re the most genuine person I’ve ever met. “ Liam cringes. “I was into you since the first time I saw you three years ago.  You just seemed so… pure. Plus, it helps that you’re ridiculously attractive.”

Liam pulls out of Harry’s grip and stands once again, starting to walk towards the door. He can’t bear listening to this praise. “I’m not” he says, buttoning up the rest of his shirt completely. Harry doesn’t understand just how awful he’s making him feel.

Harry laughs. “Have you seen a mirror Liam? You’re beautiful.”

Liam doesn’t agree about that either, but now’s not the time to get into an argument about that. “No, Harry, I meant…  I’m not genuine.”

Now Harry looks confused and he’s getting up from the bed to walk over to Liam. “What are you talking about?” Harry reaches a hand out to grab one of Liam’s.

Liam knows he could lie but he can’t stand the thought of Harry holding him up on this pedestal. Especially not after what he’s done. Liam takes a breath and looks Harry strait in the eye. 

“I have a boyfriend.”

The look on Harry’s face is heartbreaking as he pulls his hand out from Liam’s and instantly retracts backwards. “What do you mean you have a boyfriend?”

Liam sighs and looks down at the ground, unable to keep contact with Harry.

“I meant to tell you, but then you were telling me you liked me and I didn’t want to hurt you and then we were…”

“Yeah, I remember.” Harry says turning away from Liam and pacing back towards his bed. “I can’t believe this. You should have fucking said something before!”

“I know! I’m sorry!” Liam says and he’s walking towards Harry again. “I feel really terrible, and I know it was wrong, but I couldn’t help it… I wanted to be with you.”

Harry sits on the bed quietly. Liam waits and Harry looks up at him.

“How long?”

“What?” Liam asks, confused.

“How long have you been together?” Harry insists.

Liam takes a breath. Why does this matter? “About four months.”

Harry shakes his head. “I thought you said you didn’t know what you were doing? Was that a lie?”

“No!” Liam feels like he’s shouting. “I swear, it wasn’t.” Liam wonders how to choose his words. “It’s never been like _that_ with anyone before.” He hopes Harry understands what he means. Liam reaches an arm forward to comfort Harry but Harry slaps his hand away.

“How do I know that you’re even telling me the truth?”

“Because…” Liam explains, “I care about you.”

“Funny way of showing it.”

Harry gets up from the bed and harshly pushes past Liam, walking over to door. He stops and turns before he’s right in front of it.

“Is that why you never once texted me back last year? Because you had a boyfriend the whole time?” Harry opens the door.

“Not the whole time.”

Harry waits as Liam tries to explain everything to him. Liam expresses how he felt about being scared;  that Harry was too experienced and about wanting a boyfriend so that he could get rid of those fears. He also explains how his relationship with Andy (Harry cringes when Liam speaks his name) feels nothing like it does with Harry.

As he explains he see’s Harry’s face soften a little and he wonders if he’s getting through to him. He realizes he hasn’t when Harry speaks up again.

“Just go home to your boyfriend, Liam.” Harry looks to the ground.

Liam refuses to give up, “I don’t want him, I want you.” Liam says quietly. He can see Harry’s fingers tighten slightly on the door handle, but he doesn’t look up. When he doesn’t respond either,  Liam continues. “I’m gonna break up with him.”

Harry is looking at Liam now, his eyes are pleading, hoping that Liam is telling the truth but Liam knows that he’s already lost his trust. After another minute Harry speaks.

“I need time to think, Liam.”

Liam takes a breath. He can work with that. Maybe that means he still has a chance.

“Okay.” Liam responds as he’s walking towards Harry. “I promise, when you move to Wolverhampton it’ll be over with Andy. Maybe we can go from there?”

Liam thinks he sees Harry nod slightly as he’s exiting the room for the second year in a row.

Once again he’s fucked everything up.

Except this time, Liam is determined to make things right.  

-

The second they’re in the car Lou is drilling Liam about Harry. He asks what happened and Liam explains everything. Harry would probably end up telling him about it anyway, and it’s useless to lie to Lou, he always seems to figure things out.

“Basically I fucked everything up. With  both of them.”

“I don’t know,” Louis responds, “Harry is pretty reasonable. I think he’ll come around. Just don’t give up in him.”

Liam finds it interesting that Lou is encouraging him about Harry, yet doesn’t say anything about Andy. Lou is Andy’s friend after all, he was the one that set them up.

Liam says as much to Louis and he shrugs. He admits to Liam that he didn’t think that relationship was gonna last, they are too similar, and there’s not enough passion there.  He also confesses that he set them up mainly to get Liam to loosen up.

“Besides…” Louis says, “It’s pretty obvious you’re in love with Harry... shoulda seen it from the beginning really.”

Liam doesn’t know if he feels that strongly just yet, but Louis does have a point.  Liam can’t help but wonder why Louis is so persistent about him and Harry working things out. When he asks, Louis smirks and simply responds, “Because you’re my best friend and I love you. I want you to be happy.” It’s the probably the nicest thing Lou’s ever said to him.

Maybe it won’t work out with Harry, only time will tell, but Liam appreciates that Louis is so optimistic about it. Maybe it really was possible for him and Harry to be together someday.

Liam smiles at the thought.


	5. The Fifth Christmas - Final Chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how the schooling works in England so yeah, you're stuck with my lame American time frame.

Liam kept his promise to Harry and broke up with Andy, but it took a month for him to do so.  Liam had attempted to do it earlier, but he felt horrible every time he tried. Not only did he cheat on the guy but then he was supposed to break his heart too? Liam put it off and put it off until he couldn’t do it any longer.

When Andy admitted he was having doubts as well, it was a bit of a blow to Liam’s ego. Of course he was relieved that it was a mutual and easy break up, but for selfish reasons he had expected Andy to put up more of a fight.

Unfortunately, the break up was the only ‘easy’ thing in this situation; Harry wasn’t willing to forgive Liam so quickly.  It had been almost a month since Christmas and Harry refused to text Liam back until the break up was official. When he finally did, he was upset that it had taken Liam so long to actually do it. But Liam wasn’t going to give up on Harry this time. He’d been pining for Harry for almost _four fucking_ years now, and he would never stop trying to make things right.

Eventually Harry started texting back more frequently, but he was still hesitant to start anything up with Liam. There were still three months until his move and Harry was determined to wait. Liam had waited years, a few months would be nothing and he and Harry stayed in contact. Being friends with Harry was actually really nice and it was rare that a day would go by without them talking. It was funny to Liam that he had gotten to know Harry more over a few texts in the last months then he ever did actually speaking to him in the first four years.

They soon progressed from texting to phone calls and in the last month before his move Liam finally got up the nerve to ask Harry to see him in person.

Once again, Harry had been hesitant. Liam knew he was still harboring some anger from everything that went down with Andy. But when Liam carefully reminded Harry that at their third Christmas he had been making out with another guy, it evened the playing field a little and Harry finally caved.

Liam was very thankful for that, considering it had been almost three months since he’d seen him and he was going crazy. He wasn’t sure how he’d managed to have almost zero contact with Harry for years at a time, but things had progressed so much since then.

It was a Friday, and Harry had agreed to meet Liam at a restaurant, because it was public and they couldn’t get into any trouble there. (Or so he thought. ) Liam also had to drive all the way down to see Harry because the older guy was being stubborn. Liam wasn’t quite sure why Harry was making him work so hard for this, but maybe Harry was testing him, trying to see if Liam was really into it – and worth pursuing.

Harry looked gorgeous as usual, in his tight black jeans and a simple black shirt.  It wasn’t a fancy restaurant but Liam had dressed up a little. He wore a white collared shirt.

Things were a little awkward at first, but once they’d ordered drinks they were able to hold conversation again. Liam barely remembered what they talked about; it was a bunch of meaningless topics. All he could focus on was Harry’s perfect teeth, or side swept hair, or that adorable dimple in his cheek and he just wanted to kiss him. Their hands brushed once by accident and Harry flinched away. Liam wondered if Harry felt the same sexual tension that he did.

He was able to finish his meal but he didn’t want the night to end. And even though things were cordial between them Liam knew he couldn’t just leave without telling Harry what he was really thinking.

Harry is mid sentence saying something about the weather or school or whatever when Liam reaches across the table and grabs his hand. Harry stops speaking immediately, just looks down at their hands and back up to Liam. He looks like he’s going to say something, mouth half open, but no words come out and Liam speaks instead.

“I’m really sorry, Harry.”

Harry is completely still, but his hand is warm and his eyes are searching and Liam continues.

“I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for ever being with Andy. But I swear… it was always you. I always wanted you.”

Liam isn’t sure if his words are coming out right. But Harry isn’t pulling his hand away and his gaze is locked on Liam and is that possibly a tiny smile on his face?

“Please, Harry.  I just wanna be with you.”

It’s not the most elegant speech ever, but he knows he’s won when Harry squeezes his hand back.

It’s all a bit of blur after that because Harry is getting up from the table and telling Liam to follow him, and pushing him into the single bathroom at the back of the club. Liam can’t focus on Harry’s lips kissing all over his face; can’t keep up with Harry’s hands all over his body.

That day, in the tiny bathroom, Liam goes down on Harry for the first time. He finally gets to see what Harry looks like underneath his clothes and Liam thinks it was worth the wait.  It’s rushed and a little messy, and Liam’s insecurities are all over the place, but Harry is moaning and breathing hard and he comes fairly quickly and Liam knows none of it matters. He doesn’t have to be perfect at everything. Harry will take whatever Liam is willing to give, which is a lot.

 

After that Liam wasn’t exactly sure what they were. They’d agreed to take things “slow” (which Liam didn’t really understand considering he’d just had his mouth around Harry’s dick a week ago) but he didn’t want to push Harry away again so he’d agreed to the plan. According to Harry they could still see other occasionally, but for the next three weeks they would just be friends; once Harry was finally settled in Wolverhampton they could figure the rest out.

The problem with this plan was that it was impossible to stick to.  Liam was pretty sure that you didn’t make out with your ‘friends’ or put your hands down their pants. He was even more sure that ‘friends’ didn’t give each other orgasms. (Which is exactly what ended up happening in those three weeks - more than once.)  And when Liam wasn’t driving down to see Harry every other day, they were talking on the phone constantly. Liam was pretty sure they were dating, even though Harry wouldn’t admit it. In Liam’s mind they were already a couple, minus one thing; they hadn’t had sex yet. Liam was sort of glad for that- he wasn’t sure he was exactly ready.

 

Harry moved to Wolverhampton in July and Liam went to see him that first night. Harry’s room was a mess, he had boxes everywhere, but his bed was made and he and Liam had just kissed and cuddled and talked the entire night. Harry had officially asked Liam to be his boyfriend and Liam had accepted, even though he knew he had belonged to Harry long before then. (The only person happier than Liam at this new revelation might have been Louis, mainly because he was tired of hearing Liam’s whining about it.)

Liam hadn’t ever realized just how inexperienced he was until he started dating Harry. The older boy was teaching him new things every day, (like the time he taught him what rimming was, or the day he felt Harry’s fingers inside of him for the first time). Liam had never asked Harry where he learned everything, but it didn’t matter. The past was the past. He knew Harry was experienced but he didn’t care;  Harry never pushed him, and was always really patient and sweet with him.

But it had been almost five months since they’d become official and Harry had never once mentioned having sex with him, never even tried to make it happen. Liam wasn’t exactly sure how that was possible. They’d done practically everything else together and clearly Harry was experienced, so he didn’t really know what the problem was. But Liam never asked either and they’d somehow managed to avoid the topic.

The idea of sex was scary to Liam at first, but as time went on he grew so comfortable with Harry and he found himself disappointed every time they’d gotten close and then stopped. Liam was pretty tempted to just take control; initiate it himself and press Harry into the bed. But Liam was way too scared to do that. He didn’t exactly know what he was doing, plus Harry was the more dominant one in their relationship and how would he react to _that_? Even though he cared about Harry he still couldn’t help be intimidated by him. After all, maybe there was a good reason he was withholding from sex. Maybe he’d had a bad experience, or maybe he didn’t want to pressure Liam.

Liam knew he just had to pluck up the courage and talk to him about it, but he just kept putting it off.

Christmas that year was spent at Harry’s house. His parents were once again going to be out of town and had agreed to let him have a small get together with friends. Niall and Zayn had been a little shocked to learn that Harry and Liam were now a thing. Liam was surprised that Harry had kept it a secret from them this entire time, but Harry assured him it was only to protect him. But Liam was glad that it was pretty much out in the open; he didn’t feel guilty leaving Louis alone (yet again) when Harry had grabbed his hand and dragged him up the stairs and into his room.

“What are we doing?” Liam asks giddily as Harry shuts the door behind him and locks it.

“I just wanted to spend time with my boyfriend alone.” Harry smirks, gently grabbing Liam behind his head and pulling him into a messy kiss.

“We always spend time alone.” Liam laughs into the kiss and wraps his arms around Harry.

“Actually…” Harry begins, pulling away from Liam and walking across his room to his desk. “I wanted to give you something.”

Liam notices that the gift is small and he knows even before he opens it that it’s a ring. As Liam begins unwrapping, he’s internally freaking out. He hopes that Harry isn’t proposing… it’s way too early for that.

Once the wrapping is off he opens the box slowly and pulls it out. It’s a simple silver band. When he looks at it closer he can see that it’s engraved with the numbers 25/12 on it.

“It’s a promise ring.” Harry speaks, unable to hold his tongue any longer.

Liam smiles, relieved. He lets Harry continue.

“I made one for me too.” Harry pulls his hand out and flashes the matching ring that he’s wearing. How had Liam not noticed that before? “It says 25/12 to signify the day we met.”

Liam doesn’t know what to say. He’s extremely touched that Harry would do this for him. He pulls the ring out of the box and immediately puts it on his finger. In the back of his head he can’t help but wonder how Harry could make such a commitment when they haven’t even had sex yet. But he throws the thought out of his head as Harry kisses him again, pushing him back on the bed.

They make out lazily for a while before Harry is bringing up the past. He notes that it’s been exactly four years since they’ve met. Liam can hardly believe it’s been that long, he feels like there’s so much more to learn about him. Harry also confesses to Liam that he remembers the first time he saw him, and how much he liked him, and how crushed he was when he thought Liam wasn’t gay.

Liam tells him that he was the first person that he had ever liked.

“How come you never told me that before?” Harry asks curiously, playing with the hem of Liam’s shirt.

“I dunno.” Liam explains, blushing. “I guess I just felt stupid.”

Harry chuckles lightly, his smile bigger than ever and he leans into Liam, hand brushing his cheek. Liam waits for the kiss, but it doesn’t come. Instead Harry is just paused in front of Liam’s face, looking right into his eyes.

“I love you.” Harry says quietly, as if he’s afraid to say it.

Liam almost can’t believe his ears.  He didn’t know Harry felt that strongly. Of course he did too, but he’d always expected to be the first to say it.

“I love you too.” Liam responds immediately. As he says it, he realizes the weight of those words, realizes how far him and Harry have really come. He can’t help but again wonder why they haven’t moved further sexually.

Harry must notice the confusion behind his eyes because soon after he’s sitting up and looking at Liam more intently.

“Then, what’s wrong?”

Liam sighs, wondering how he’s gonna bring this up. He decides to just say it already.

“Why haven’t we had sex yet?” Liam cringes a little, he didn’t mean to blurt it out like that.

Harry looks down at the bed, hands now at his sides and Liam can tell that he looks nervous.

“I dunno… I guess I wasn’t ready?” Harry looks at Liam skeptically, as if he knows Liam won’t believe him.

“Not ready?” Liam prods. “Harry, everything we’ve done so far you’ve initiated. You’ve been a great teacher.” Liam reaches for one his hands and plays with it gently. He can feel the cold metal of the ring against his palm. It does something funny to his heart.

Harry squirms a little on the bed. Liam can see him swallow before he looks back up at him. “Well, this was something I couldn’t exactly teach you…”

Liam lets Harry’s words sink in. Something he couldn’t teach? Did that mean….

“Wait, you’re a virgin?” Liam asks, his eyes widening in surprise.

Harry laughs a little, “hard to believe?”

Liam nods.

“I know I come off as really experienced, but I’m really not. I guess I was scared. And I wanted to wait to have sex with someone I really cared about. “

Liam smiles. He never cared about Harry’s past before, but he’s also a little relieved at the news. And he’s happy that sex is something that he and Harry can experiment with together. Whenever they were ready.

“But I’m not anymore.” Harry says, reaching an arm forward to grab Liam’s hip.

This time it’s Liam who leans forward and catches Harry’s lips between his. He can’t believe how right everything feels.

“You wanna stay here tonight?” Harry whispers.

“Yes.” Liam says, going in to kiss Harry again. He’s stayed at Harry’s before, but they both know that this time things will be much different.

“We should get back before they start to wonder what happened.” Harry laughs, sitting up and grabbing Liam’s hands, pulling him off the bed with him.

“I think they already know.” Liam laughs and he follows Harry back downstairs.

 

Later that night, Liam and Harry have sex for the first time. It’s not as scary as Liam thought it would be. As Harry presses into him gently, their eyes lock and Liam almost has to take a breath. He can’t believe how unbelievably lucky he is. He thinks about how many Christmases it actually took for them to reach this point.

The 5th Christmas was the best one yet.


End file.
